2024, First Quarter of Trump, 58

:secure_comm_begin:
:code_bananasmoothie:
:Cpl_CH:

Command has asked that I reach out to nonaffiliated rebel posts in an attempt at transparency and good faith to promote the sharing of intel. This marks my first attempt at said communication.

As of this date [Trump Q1-58], NE HQ has yet to recover the bodies of Gens. Sanders and Clinton. They were reported missing on the morning of Trump Q1-47, and assumed dead after Trumpeters firebombed Burlington, VT, where they had last radioed from. NE HQ mourns the loss of these heroic leaders, but necessarily must press forward. A report came on Trump Q1-53 that Lt.-Gen. Cruz led a successful assault on our Florida HQ, resulting in the deaths of 4,000 elderly rebels, as well as our only source of citrus, the Grove of Resistance. Maj.-Gen. Warren asks that all rebel forces take the appropriate precautions against scurvy.

We have been tirelessly reinforcing our NE HQ in response to the repeated assaults on rebel headquarters in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Our scouts have salvaged several Camrys, as these have been proven to be quite formidable. Occasionally, Fiestas are recovered, and these parts are used to construct makeshift playgrounds for the children. The abandoned Bob's Discount Furniture that serves as our headquarters has provided the best night's sleep many of us have had in years. I never thought much of him before the Rise, but Bob truly knew how to provide a good mattress at unbeatable prices. His dining sets have also proven effective as a bountiful source of fuel.

As I end this communication, our leaders are completing work on our next planned assault. Due to the confidentiality of the plan, I cannot disclose the location or dates, but command has asked that I stress the importance of conserving your rations of saltines and cream of mushroom soup, as this attack may result in an extended delay of monthly food deliveries.

Stay Strong and Live Long,
Cpl. C. H., NE HQ

:secure_comm_end: